He plays football because he WANTS to

Our society lays many restrictions. Any one particular individual defying a few societal constraints is often shunned. Our mindset is normalised to the traditional gender roles set up by society. It is disturbing, on so many levels. Patriarchy is ruthless to women; it has confined us in every way possible. It is hard to remonstrate against patriarchy everyday.

However, it is not just the female population that suffers from the extremely contorted patriarchal setting. Males suffer too. If only people were more cognizant of how much it has crippled humans, would they appreciate what feminism is trying to do. Feminism isn’t just for women. Feminism is for anyone who is adversely affected by the patriarchal society, which let’s face it, is pretty much everyone.

I am a member of a football (association) group on facebook. I have been so since 2011, possibly. Since my initial days in the group, there has been an increment in the female fans but despite that, it essentially continues to be a male dominated group. I have nothing against it. It is obvious that boys and men are much more inclined towards football. I think it all narrows down to personal preference. I cannot help but sometimes think of an alternate reality – What if we weren’t smeared with sexism and gender bias all around us? Would we still have lesser females interested in football as we have today?

That anyway, is not what has been on my mind.

Coming back to the group, there was a post recently made. A picture of a really attractive and beautiful woman, wearing an AC Milan jersey. The caption suggested that she was the team physiotherapist. It didn’t end there. It further suggests how the boy (who posted the picture) had finally understood why players agreed to join the club in the first place. Many likes, many comments. One disturbing notion: Sexism.

He and the others probably do not realise that the said caption is highly sexist and degrading to their own sex. Or maybe they do realise and anyway endorse the idea. I don’t know which is worse.

What his caption implied was that men are willing to do anything so long as they have an attractive woman as the incentive. It betrays the commitment and the zeal and the passion that footballers have for the beautiful sport. It paints them in a very tainted picture. It tries to assert how men are only sexual beings, who get blinded to everything else when being confronted with their sexual urges. Isn’t it wrong? Isn’t it unhealthy?

To their defense, they may come up with the bland excuse of it being a joke. What they don’t comprehend is the deep-rooted sexism associated with this joke. One simply cannot extenuate everything in the name of a joke. People need to understand that this idea of men being driven by lust purely is a very huge negative that is a huge part of popular culture. Instead of furthering it by making a joke out of it, maybe people should do something to permanently remove the existence of this idea (also, the other disturbing sexist ideas).

The thing is, it is a double-edged sword. On the one hand, it is insinuated that the woman earned her position as the physiotherapist in a reputed club only due to her looks. SEXIST. On the other, it insinuates that the footballers get employed to the club only because they want to be around the hot woman. SEXIST. I cannot fathom how anyone could find the joke in that.

I don’t know? Maybe, just maybe the beautiful woman bagged the job because of her merit and the footballers signed for the club because of the opportunity and the impact that it would have on their skills but most importantly because they love to play? Hmm? Yeah.

photo credit: ACM via photopin (license)

Do broad dial watches not belong to me?

I had been waiting for the elevator at the University today. That slow, almost ancient elevator that barely accommodated 5 fully grown humans.  Yet, it was either that or walking up a long flight of stairs up to the 4th floor. I’m lazy, I need inventions like the elevator at my disposal.

While I waited, a few other people joined me in the waiting – a senior student, a female teacher, a male teacher and an attendant. The female teacher and the senior student got involved in small talk, while I was busy doing the usual: looking around, stealing glances at people.

Suddenly, my gaze fell on the relatively shorter male teacher, staring at my wrist watch. I presumed he wanted to know what the time was and anytime expected him to ask me the same. He never asked that. Instead, he borderline shouted, stating how girls these days wore huge watches. If I had to be honest, I was caught off guard. I did not anticipate that, though I perhaps should have. I smiled awkwardly, mentally preparing myself to retort, when the female teacher (quite unexpectedly), beat me to it. She said, “Why what’s the problem? It looks good, doesn’t it?”. I was stunned. Doubly stunned, if there exists such a feeling. This comment of hers did not deter her male colleague a scintilla. He continued, “But girls would wear such small dial watches, such dainty ones, and now they have taken to wearing such huge ones. When did this happen?” The female teacher, “This isn’t sudden or recent. Big dials have been donned by females for a long time now. Weren’t you aware?” Her colleague, “Oh but we are stuck with the medium-sized dials” and with that, he flashed his watch for all four of us to see. He perhaps hoped we would laugh, but we didn’t, not the teacher and I. The male student did guffaw. Yay?

I just waited for the elevator, and I looked at the female teacher once, my respect for her, growing with every passing second.

Let us deconstruct what happened, shall we?

What that male teacher did today was sexist. It may not seem so. It may seem like a harmless comment on watches and the expected preference of females when it comes to watches, but really, it boils down to internal sexism. A subtle sexist slur that was. A subtle sexist slur teetering on the brink of chauvinism.

His comment went on to echo the notion harbored by most:  women, by default, are to wear small dial watches. That big dial watches were more of a manly thing. They were an entitlement to men and therefore women had no access to them. Was he threatened because he felt that a female wore something that was not what ordinarily females wore but what males did? Perhaps he was.

I mean, come on. Women vote, women work, women are provided every right possible, why snatch away our beloved broad watches? Right?

I have personally always loved broad dials and I continue to hunt them down in stores. Not because I want to embrace masculinity and condemn my femininity, but rather because I just like them. It is a matter of taste. Why should I, as a girl, be coerced to choose what society thrusts on my gender? Likewise, why should a boy? Why should anyone, irrespective of their gender?

Also, note and appreciate that the female teacher actually stood up and voiced out. I was in awe. Not because she stood up for me, nu-uh. However, by standing up to his obnoxious comment (laced with sarcasm and sexist undertones, mind you), she actually inspired me. Inspired me to believe that in a godforsaken place such as this, there was still hope. Hope for feminism. It made me believe that even amongst imbeciles of the highest order, I could look forward to a woman, who could tell when a sexist or a chauvinist remark was made, and then shred said remark to pieces. It’s a sweet feeling. To hope of such things. To be inspired this way.

This points to another pressing matter, which is,  identifying and discerning a jibe when it is made. How are we supposed to tackle and eradicate problems without even identifying the existence of it? We are so socially conditioned to misogyny and sexism that we cannot tell it apart from a casual comment. Misogyny prevails, misogyny pervades. High time we all gain and spread awareness to curtail it at grassroots level.

She doesn’t have to be a relative.

A few weeks ago, I received a video that was forwarded to my Whatsapp account by a Whatsapp contact. A well circulated video doing the rounds on the internet, I believe. It depicts a woman being followed around by a group of men, who intend on molesting her. They direct some crude and sexually harassing comments towards her while the woman, petrified, tries to escape from the scoundrels.

They continue following her and then they manage to grasp her hand and pull her towards them, potentially trying to rape her. One amongst the group of miscreants, identifies the girl, screams and asks the men to let go of her; she is his sister.

The video ends there with the man crying and a message running on a black screen. It goes something like: Do not harass women, she could be someone’s sister.

While I appreciate the well meant purpose of the video, it struck me as real odd. Is it absolutely imperative for a woman/girl/female to be someone’s sister, or someone’s daughter, or someone’s wife in order for you to not rape her? Is it a must for her to be related to some man to remind you of her worth as a human? Does her existence as human, magically get recognized and verified if she were someone’s, more specifically, a man’s sister?

Here is what I do not get. Why do we have to guilt people by reminding them that their female relations could also be met with the same fate as they inflict upon a female? Honestly, if that is what our society has reduced to, then we have dismally failed. I firmly believe that a human, any human, irrespective of their sex, is entitled to freedom. They shouldn’t have to fear rape. The rapists shouldn’t have to curb their carnal desires because the potential victims are related to someone (a man) and that their abuse could lead to their relatives being abused in turn because, hey, hey, hey, karma is a bitch! This is distorted. I would shut up if it did affect the number of rape cases. Guess what? A guilt-trip hardly makes the difference.

A woman is not devalued if she isn’t related to anyone, if she isn’t related to a man. It still does not make it okay for anyone to rape her. She is still to be respected, she still is a human with her rights, her basic human rights intact.

The rapists, the culprits should rather curb their carnal desires because they should realize that this person is an Individual, who is free, who has rights and who is, in no way obligated to them. They are to realize that exploiting this individual is an offence, that should they breach propriety, they would be punished. They are to realize the basic fact that raping an individual is wrong, not because she is someone’s sister but because she is a human who does not want to engage in sexual activities with you. Rapists impose themselves on the victims, thereby depriving them of their basic rights. Rape is a violation of human rights and rapists should refrain from committing this barbaric act because  it is WRONG.

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